Monday, October 29, 2012

Better with you

Where ever you go I will always there with you.
Rain falls, sky growls, wind blows, but I will not leave you.
Look deep inside and you'll find me.
Breath the soil smell air, let them get to your lungs through your nose so that you feel my presence.

Storm is heading our way.
Thunders and lightnings keep shouting above us.
Moon and stars covered by the darkness disabling me from knowing where you are.
If only I can see the stars, I would know what are you doing at this time.

World seems dead whenever I cannot see your smile.
Although I'm surrounded with God's creature but I'm missing one of his most important creatures. It's you.

Clock ticks. Days changed to night. Cloudy dark sky remains the same.
Nothing can change this situation.
I'm waiting, for the moment I would like to call "meeting you"
People said being alone is better than having accompanies without happiness.
Agreeing on what they said is a mistake because being with you, a person I love, is always better. Peace, happiness and joy never end.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Sweet 19

I was 19 on the 19th of October 2012.
It started with a morning mass in St, Bartholomew's Church. After mass people wished me a happy birthday.
It was a happy morning until I got a text from a person saying that he couldn't be in New York on that day. My imaginations for that day was ruined because of that one text.
I tried to get over it by delivering some foods for my priests then go to this person's house to have lunch with his family.
I buzzed the door bell. No one was answering. Then, a person who works in the building asked me if I want to go upstairs using the elevator from the basement. I agreed and walked to the elevator.
I pressed 4th floor, while the other worker pressed 1st floor.
Right after the elevator's door open at the 1st floor, I saw him walking towards the elevator. In a sudden, I stared at him with shock.
I think it was my very first surprise I got.
 Driving in the car with him, his mother and his sister in law, I got a call from one of my friends.
Since that my phone was connected with bluetooth with the car, people can hear every single words me and my friend were talking about.
She asked me if he's in New York and if he's there with me. Everybody was laughing and he blushed. Well, who doesn't?
We had lunch, went home and went to an ice cream store in the city.
On our way to the ice cream store, I was driving the car when he showed me a video about the xfactor. He placed his phone in front of the stick that I was watching a show and driving at the same time. The show was mad funny that we can't stop laughing even until we arrived to that ice cream store.
That time, he drove my car to Brooklyn with me. On the way, he kept saying that his car is better than mine and his car has more features than me and so on. I couldn't stop laughing quietly enjoying that silly conversation we had.
He met my cousin and my cousin suddenly invited him to have some kind of dinner at her house. I gasped but smiled behind their back and said nothing.
Leaving Brooklyn, we drove back to Queens for dinner of the night with our other friends.
After dinner, they surprised me by giving a giant cake. I was a little bit embarrassed but I love it because I wanted to have some surprise birthday party because I never had one before.
I thanked everybody for the presents and for the birthday cake.
It was 9 p.m. when we finished dinner. We then went to the movie theater to watch paranormal activity.
After the movie ends, I was freaking about how am I supposed to go home in the darkness of the street and I have to drive one of my friends home.
Kindly, he offered to accompany me. After I dropped my friend home, I had to drive him home.
He teased me by saying,"You know that the street by my apartment is a grave yard right?"
I was like, dammit he's right.
But with a "be careful"  statement from him, I made it home safely. hahahhah
at around 2 a.m. I arrived home and got a text from my friend in Indonesia saying that they made a video for me. I played it and it made me cry so so so baaddd.
Link for the video:

I just want to say thank you so so freaking much to everybody who had given me those surprises and those gifts. Me love you all :*

Thursday, October 18, 2012


I crawl to the edge of a cliff thinking about jumping into it and be in heaven.
That silly thought sometimes came across my mind making me weak.
Problems which I'm facing weaken my soul.
Having no one to share my sorrow leaves some kind of regret to be born in this rough world.

I'm walking dead.
My soul is somewhere in this world, apart from my body.
Staying alive is the only thing I have to do before you find out that I'm in love with you.

I'm letting everything flows where it wants to go.
However, it goes not to where I wanted.
This is rough. This absurd. And this is ambiguous.

I uttered weird sentences because you made me crazy.
Not only because of your sweetness, but also because mu stupidity for not telling you how I feel.
People may say I'm a lucky girl for getting everything I want. But I'm not lucky enough when it comes to you.
I may be able to get stuffs but your heart.
I would feel lucky after I can take your heart and put it into mine.
Melt you heart isn't an easy task.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


I'm sitting in the train going downtown looking for something that reminds me of you.
Arriving to the place we went to, giving me some kind of flash back for a quite long moment.
Believing everything is alright can't be done by my heart because I know something is definitely wrong and it's not going as I expected.

Walking in the rain makes everything hard to be forgotten.
Looking up into the sky, I see a light sketch of your smile in the clouds.
Facing the street, I remember how our story flows. From the beginning I fell in love with you until the day when I started to have the fear of losing you.

I'm drowning in the crowd.
Lost among people in the street.
I'm thinking how lucky I am if I have you.
How wonderful my life will be if you're always be my side.

I feel empty.
I can't translate what this emptiness means.
Whether it's because my feeling towards you or because I have nothing to hold on when I'm about to fall.

Feeling beautiful is really not my thing right now.
Having thoughts of how stupid I was is what going on inside of me.
If only I can go back to the time when you're still around, I would have prevented you from leaving me with those memories we created.
The least I can do now is wait until the perfect time comes to tell you "I love you"

Saturday, October 6, 2012


As i drove away, we both smile in each other's back.
Leaving the curiosity beneath me, wanting to know if I'm the reason for your smile.
Remembering that day we spent together, tickles my stomach.
Those laughs, smiles, jokes hanging in my thoughts.
They seem to like me and not wanting to get out from my mind.
As I keep smiling, water is falling from the sky covering the universe and blinding my eyes to look at you through my mirror.
Something tells me to stop and to wait for you. But my foot won't let go of the pedal so I keep going.

All I can hear is the rain drops on my car's roof. Making noises as I listen to mellow music by myself.
The smell of the ground get through my nose and lungs.
Like what always happens to me, my feeling is messed up, I feel pressure in my chest and ache in my stomach.
I'm smiling for no reason. But I know that you are the reason.
You caused me to have these miserable happy feelings that can't barely stop for a second.
You are the tool to warm me up when the weather is cold.
And you are why I can't stop smiling.

Your smile has some kind of charm that makes people smile.
There is no reason for me not to smile when I see you. Because just by seeing you from the far, lifts my cheeks up.