Monday, September 24, 2012


I can hear nothing but the beats of my heart
There is nothing in front of my eyes except the darkness
The temperature is getting low, but there is no snow nor wind
What place is this? I can't tell where I am.
I am lost with no where else to go but darkness.
"Hello..." I shouted
But no one answers me.
To the east I walked, I found nothing.
Going back to the west, still there is nothing.
What kind of place is this? Am I still asleep?
My mind is messed up.
I sat on the ground mourning.
No tear fall from my eyes.
No sound come out from my mouth.

For a while I sat on the ground, but there still no light, no sound, no one ...
I thought about it over and over again until I found out what's going on.
Lonely it is.
A situation where life seems so quiet, dark and has nothing in it.
Any direction I go to, I ended up in the place where I started.
Voices that come out from my mouth can't be heard by myself.
Stars which decorate the sky are gone.
The moon broken into pieces.
The sun never wakes up anymore.

In the darkness I wait for a miracle.
Nothing seems to happen.
There is no laugh, no smile, no happiness not even love.
How can i love if there is no one to be loved.
How can smile be in my face, if nothing brings joy into my soul.
How will there be any happiness if dark clouds surround my everyday

The rainbow that used to color up in the sky, never appear.
The breeze of the wind never touches my skin
From the sky, falls sadness.
From the ocean, rises anger.
From the heart, comes out regret.
Day doesn't change to night.

"Is this what lonely feels like?" I asked the darkness
It answers in silence.

Monday, September 17, 2012

A Love Letter

I dedicate this letter for you.
A person whom always there for me.
A person who is always in my mind, giving butterflies in my stomach.
A person who was my crush and now become a person I love.

I call it sacrifice.
Pursuing a thing that's in front of my eyes, standing by my side, but fr from the heart.
A feeling I shall call love, isn't only a word. But a fact that you have to know anytime soon.
It is love, because I don't know the reason why I fell for you and unable to get rid of you from my mind.
The purity inside my heart can be seen since the first time I got to now you and when I started to fall for you.
Stumbles and falls held me from going after you.
But the bravery of myheart isn't stop just there.
Anytime later, these hands would take yours, these eyes would stare deep into yours, these lips would soon be open to confess my biggest sin, which is loving you.

Love is blind. Love is unexplainable. Love is not because of appearance or even wealthiness.
Love always loving. Love, cares. Love, waits. Love, always there.
... is about sharing happiness to a special person or people to make them smile.
... is about filling empty spaces in their hearts.
... is about coloring their life with eternal colors, that are not erasable.

Before I entered the dark night, I prayed that you would popped up in my dream to make my night sweeter.
I always wondering if I could stay asleep, because my dream is more wonderful than my real life.

This world will get worst if you were not created.
This cold weather will never end, if you are not shinning
This space between us will get wider, if you can't attach your heart to mine.
This empty part will soon be broken apart, if you are here but not for me.

Life is tough. But, not having you near me is tougher than ever.
When we were walking, I tripped and fell, but you continued walking.
There came somebody else, who replaced my position next to you.
I was hoping that you would turn around, handed your hand to me, and continue our journey together.
A lot of things slowed me down from being with you.
But I believe, if you belong with me, we'll find ways to make..
... two hands become one.
... sad become happiness.
... 'you' and 'I' become 'us.

Every word I wrote in this letter, came from the deepest part of my heart.
A sincerity that has never been done, is now my biggest task. Because sincerity helps me to get the key to enter your heart and stay inside there.

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Driving up the street by myself.
Passing through the crowds of the city.
Lights are decorating the sidewalk.
People are walking on the sidewalk with accompanies.
Each one of the street that I have passed, has a story.
A story that was made by a person, who made me getting involved in it.
A story of every girl's dreamed about.
A story that took place mostly in the city during those cold days in the spring time.

I opened my car's window and let the wind filled the entire car, and let it covers me with its cooling sense.
As it is flowing inside and out through the car window, it blew my mind back to the past
That moment when we were walking down the street, having a really fun evening, just chillin' at the movie theater, having dinner, and hanging around in the cold dark spring night.
All those happy moments started to get into my head. Those things are not meant to come to me at this moment, but it is definitely not meant to be erased at all from my mind no matter what's happening.
That invitation. Those walks. Those talking. Those smiles. Those laughs.
They are now echoing inside my mind, telling me to remember every second of it.
While my mind stuck remembering those days, suddenly I got honked by cars behind me telling me to go.
Those honks wake me up from my unconsciousness, telling me not to stop but move forward, not to look back,  and not to stay asleep.
It tells me to wake up, stand up, and walk without looking what's on my back.

Moving forward.
Here I am. Driving through all these streets. Streets that we went to together, side by side, chit chatting, and fooling around,
Here I am, looking at things we saw.
Here I am, crying because thing I've done with you, can't be done again for somehow.
And here I am, wishing to have my life back.
That old life, when you always there with me, joking around.
That old life, which I had never had before
That old life, when it was all about live, laugh, love, and math.
That old life, which my friends were jealous of.

Autumn is just weeks away.
Leaves fall, covering the ground.
Green leaves turned brown, and finally they become one with the earth.
What goes around, comes around. But what have passed, can't be brought over again.
We can redo it, but it's not going to be the same as it was in the first.
Because things that happened first, are always memorable.
Just like you.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Where ?

Butterflies are in my stomach.
My heart is pounding.
My mind cannot stop thinking.
My hands are shaking.
Something must have gone wrong, but I have no idea what it is or what they are.

Memories are something that happened in the past.
Moments are things you did.
Those two things are in my mind.
Those memories of me and you.
Those moments we spent together.
Uh! That's just too much for my head.

I remember the first time we met, which made me had butterflies in my belly.
I remember the first time I hopped into the train with a friend, and that was you.
I remember the first time I went to the movie theater to watch Avengers, then having a very late dinner.
I remember how we use to talk on the phone every single day for at least a month.

But one thing that I always remember is your smile.
It can't be replace with anything.
Although sometimes you made me upset without you noticed it, but still I could not be mad at you.
That smile, the one that shines from your face, is hanging in the corner of my lips. Because every time I remember the way you smiled at me, makes me smile as well.

As the time flew, everything changed.
This life is getting empty.
Summer was cold and not hot at all.
The city seems dead for me.
And I have no where to go.
Subway now is the scariest transportation for me.
My phone never sings, since we rarely talk on the phone.
Daylight is never as bright as it was.
Nights become scarier.
No noise. No light. No one.
Empty. Empty. Empty.
Blood keeps flowing in and out from my heart.
But what really inside my heart is now almost gone. It is on the edge of going out from my heart.
That "it" refers to you.
The person who always fills my heart with joy, my belly with butterflies, my thoughts with plans in the weekend for me and you, and my dreams with our happiness.
How am I suppose to get it back?
I don't know how.
I'm lost.
I was lost in your eyes, drowned in your heart, and stuck in your arms.
Now, I'm lost in the jungle of life, drowned the middle of the ocean, and stuck in the cactus with no way out.
You are the way out. You are the key.
Your are my getaway.
It's just God's plan.
If He said yes, then I'll be with you. If no, you know what's gonna happen.

Roses are red. Violets are blue.
Hey there, where are you?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Another good bye?

Summer is almost over.
Autumn is just a count of days.
But the cold wind can be felt from today. Especially when you have to leave me that day.
Those conversations we had, those laughs are now jingling in my head.
Those places we've been to, are now my favorite places to go to.
Those good byes are the saddest thing you left me with.

A sweet voice that came from your mouth, saying hi to me, that was when I was walking down the street and you were riding a bike.
I can still feel the smoothness of your voice at that time.

A neat smile that was uttered to me, every time we meet, are not erasable from my thought.

Your kindness and caring to me, are still the same, and I still get it from you.

Another thing that I got from you is a good bye.
Although it is momentarily, but I'm afraid it's gonna be forever.

Every hello has a good bye.
And every good bye has a reason.
And it has reasons not to say it.

Now, the weather is getting worse because I felt like I lost you.
I was drown in you eyes, trapped in your heart, locked in your arms.
Right now I feel like I'm not surrounded by you anymore.
You are there. I'm here.
But is it possible that we are attached at the heart?
A hug from you could be great for now.