Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Finding friends :""

This lonely thing sort of get into me even worst. There are a lot of obvious facts why I feel this way.
My best friends, friends, family who are in Indonesia are we awake when I'm asleep and are asleep when I'm awake. It's so hard to adjust our time with this 12 hours different timezone.
Not just about timezone, them and I also have school or work to do. So it's not like time is in our hand but time is in assignment and work's hand. If we didn't go to school, we will fail. If we did not focus on working, we would lose our only job.
Even when I have to stay up late until morning, they are not always able to accompany me or listen to my story because the have homework, works, or they have to clean their house and stuffs. It is basically hard to live far away from your best friends with a different timezone.
If we live far from each other but we are in the same timezone, there is no problem at all. We can adjust our weekend schedule or fter school schedule, so we can have time to talk to each other.

Why didn't I find friends in here?
It is really hard to find friends in a new country or city. Especially if they are not your type-kinda-friend. Like, you used to have friends that are listened to you and you listened to you also. And when you guys tell stories, you guys would give feedback/respond to what the other said. Not just by saying "oh"
I found that some or even most people in here are likely to be listened rather than listening. So when I talked to a certain person, I rarely got a related feedback of what I was talking about. But, when they were talking to me, they expected me to listen to them carefully and to help them solve their problems and even to give related feedback. I mean, what was that all about. That is so not fair. I listened but you never listened. I gave feedback, but you gave shit out of what I was saying. I don't know. It is just too hard dealing with people in here.
I may be a picky kinda person. But being a little bit picky is better rather than being used by someone you just knew. When you chose certain people to be your friends, you must have been knew that they might be good to be friends with.
There is also a moment where you have friend(s), you hang out, but you don't feel like they are worthy to be your friends, because of some reason. Maybe they are jerks and you can't deal with those kind of person, or they are like what I said, like to be listened but don't want to listen.
I'm a type of person who like to listen to what other people said and to give feed back, and I also like to be listened.
It is hard to find new friends when you both are young adults, because they have different ways of thinking.
Knowing people since you were in junior high school or high school gives you chance to be friend with them for a long time or even forever, who knows.
It happens to me. Although I am now not in Indonesia anymore, but me and my friends keep contacting each other. I sacrificed some of my time to call them and they did the same thing too sometimes.
But there are some times when I got no one to talk with the whole day which made my phone turned into a fake phone, because it wasn't receiving any bbm, text, or anything else.
I kinda upset when it happens.
Like right now, I have a bunch of stories to tell, but I have no one to talk to.
I could share my stories to my parents, but not all of my stories can be told to parents, for example boys things. It is so impossible for me to tell them about a boy whom I like, or what I did to a boy in Bali, or things like that. I can share how my school is going, but I can never share how my heart is feeling, except if they ask me. If they don't, do not ever expect me to throw something out of my mouth.
Basically, finding close friends are freakingly hard!!!

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