Sunday, March 11, 2012

Bye grandpa :")

Friday, March 9, 2012, USA time. I was going through the whole day in sadness because my dad canceled our trip to New Jersey. But then in the afternoon he asked me if I want to accompany him to PrimeHouse Restaurant. I said yes. We went there and after that we went to chinatown downtown to have some early dinner at noodle house. It cheered me up a little bit. After we ate, we went to clothing store. Dad waited for me while I was shopping. Then we went home.
On the way home, he asked me about my homework and when will I finish it. And I said as soon as we arrived I'll finish it. 
Then yeah, I did my math homework until 3 am and after that dad sat down on my chair, looked at me and said that my grandfather has just passed away. I was really really shock. I wasn't cry at that time until he called my mom and I heard her crying. I couldn't say anything. I tried to calm my self down and to just accept the truth.

My grandpa has been in the hospital about 1 week. He coughed too hard that his chest hurt him. He got scanned twice and we found out that his heart was swelled. And that was why he couldn't breathe. On Friday at 1 a.m. Bali time, he gone. He went to the next chapter after life. Heaven. We all cried especially my mom. She regretted for not giving him any attention when he was alive. The only thing I could say was,"I told you."
My grandpa is a great man. He worked really hard by himself. He never complain. He never said that he wasn't fine. He always smiling. And he always love his children and grandchildren.
When I was in Bali, I went to his house sometimes every week. And when I got there, he spoiled me too much. I wasn't allowed to bring any heavy things. As soon as I step on his small shack, he offered me drink and food and stuffs. He gave me so many advice before I went to NY.
He cared about me more than my mom sometimes. And I love my grandpa so much.
I don't know how to express my feeling losing him. I couldn't even see him in his last breath.
Monday, March, 20, 2012 was the last time I hug him, have a conversation with him, and seeing him. That was 2 days before my departure back to NYC. It was a teary moment.
But when I knew he passed away, I was broken heart. I lost someone who cared about me. I lost someone who I really love. I lost someone who always gives me medicine when I was sick. I lost a great man. He is not a city grandpa. He lived in a village in Bali. But no matter where he lives, he is my grandfather. 
I still remember how he offered me a drink, made me fried tofu. I remember our special way of cheek-to-cheek kiss which only him and I were allowed to do it. I miss everything about him.
However, I can't be drown into sadness for my entire life. I have to let it be, let it go, and move on. He told my mom to tell me to study hard and make him and my parents proud. Ouch! It made me cry again. He told me a specific way to be settled in NYC, which is I have to focus on what my goal is.
There he went to heaven. Meet my grandparents from my dad, meet my aunt, and meet his parents also. I am happy that now he's in a safe place where he can see me or even visit me, It may sounds creepy, but hey it's my grandpa, it's not like he's going to scare me off.
We are now have a guardian angel.

To Grandpa,
Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for always worrying about my health. Thank you for your advices before I went to NYC. Thank you for every small thing you have done to me which I don't realize.
Now you are safe in heaven with God. I will be very happy if you are happy in there.
I am so sorry for everything I have done to you. I am so sorry I can't see you when they were putting you in the cemetery. And I am sorry if I couldn't give you more than I can when you're still alive.
Grandpa, we love you. Not just me, but us all of your children, grandchildren, your son and daughter in law, and other people too.
Travel safe to heaven granpda. We will meet again soon in there.
We love you :*

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