Thursday, March 29, 2012

Be careful what you wish for

"I wish I don't have to live with my parents."
"I wish I don't have friends like them."
"I wish he/she will be my boyfriend/girlfriend."

These are just some statements I have ever heard and I said some of them as well.
What I learned about wishing is that you have to be careful what you wish for. Because you don't know what might happen after your wish had come true.
You wished to live without your parents. BOOM!! After you go to college, you live far far away from your parents. You rarely call them or ask how are they doing. While they worried about you.
At the beginning you might like it or even love it. But as the time fly, you will feel lonely because there is no one who took care of you like there used to be. No one cooked for you anymore. No one kissed your forehead before you go to sleep. No one asked whether your day is good or not. No one would be there when you are sick. Then, you will regret what you have said and you would say,"I wish my parents were here."
Is it going to be that easy to come true? Nope! It isn't. What you said in the first place shows your true feeling.You got it, you went through it, and now you regret it. It's not easy to take back what you have said. That's call punishment. It's nature thing, you can't change it.
You have to reflect deep down in yourself, make a confession to yourself, and wish that it all never came true. If you are lucky, things will get back like it used to be. If you are not, just go with the flow.

What you said is what you get. Watch your mouth in every words that came out from it. Words can make you stronger, but it can kill you softly.
Every word that came out from your mouth is being heard by what's above us.
If you said that word and mean it seriously, it will come true.
It's nice if the good things come true and not the bad one.
Before you speak, think.
Before you make a wish, thinking way further. What might happen if your wish come true? Will it effect your life? What are the advantages? And will you regret it?

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A broken hearted girl

A girl was standing there alone watching people passed her by.
The street was pretty crowded.
She could hear sound of cars and trains in front and above her.
She saw a group of girls talking and laughing.
She saw a girl who was hugged and kissed by her boyfriend.

At the moment, she went back to the time when she was that one lucky girl.
A girl who had a loving boyfriend.
Whose hands were always being held by him.
Whose body never got cold because he hugged her often.
Whose smile never fade away.
Whose laughter always fill her day.
Whose heart was never empty.
Whose life was so perfect because she had him.
Whose heart was protected.

Happy ending happens in fairy tale only.
She didn't have that for the rest of her life.
She had to let it go and move on.
She tried to be strong, but she was too weak to handle it alone.
She tried to let it go, but those memories seem to stuck in her heart.
She tried to move on, but she stuck in her past.
She tried.

She was lost.
Lost in the darkness of love.
Left in the harsh part of the world.
Live with an empty heart.
Moved to the unknown place.

Her heart became numb.
She afraid to fall in love.
She doesn't want anyone to come near her.
She avoid boys who like her.
She blamed herself for letting him go.

Now she realized that she couldn't do anything.
She can't take back what she had let go.
She can't ask for something that had gone.
She can't have what's not belong to her anymore.
She is gone.
Gone from the crowd.
Gone from the happiness.
And gone from his heart, that's what she thought.

Even now she is a lonely broken hearted girl,
but she glad that other girls can have the happiness she used to have.
She believed that if he is the one, he would come back.
Maybe not today or tomorrow.
Because it takes not just days or months, but years for love to find its way to come back to the right heart.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Love that never dies

Sitting on the shore of a beach while waiting for your name appear on my phone screen.
Hoping that you would come and sit next to me, which is an impossible thing to do because you are no longer here.
You left me alone in this world while you have a new life in a new place.

My life stopped when I heard your voice for the last time, saw your smile before you closed your eyes, and held you hand before they put you down there.
As the sun change into moon and stars and so on, I'm still stuck in that day.
I can see no future in me.
There is only you in my mind, nothing else.
I kept asking how could I let this happen.

Being stuck in my past is what I want,
because there is you in my past
A person who colored my cloudy day.
A smile which covered my tears.
A hug that warmed not just my body, but also my heart.
A kiss which was given by a special person like you.

You may leave me, but I will never leave you.
You might think I don't love you anymore, but you are wrong.
You thought you weren't the best, but you proved to me that you can do anything.
I may not be the best, but I gave you the best that I could give.
I might stumble when I'm walking alone, but I know you would come and help me stand up.
I can give you nothing but love.
We may not be together, but our relation will stay strong.
We may live far away from each other, but I can always feel you presence here.
We thought we were not meant for each other, but who knows we actually meant for each other.

Everything takes some time to develop, even love.
Your love might grow in someone else's heart, but I don't think my love will.
You will found a new harbor to settle your "ship", but not me.
You're going to have a better life after this, but I'm not sure if mine will be so.
You are moved on, but have you let go?
I'm in moving on process but I never got to reach the letting go process.
I ran, then I fell. I stood up but I couldn't continue to reach letting go process.

There's always something about love.
Love that appears just because a smile.
Love that grows because of your kindness.
Love that last forever because of faith.
Love that dies because of distance.
Love that never dies because one side love the other so much.

Angela's last sentence

"Please! Do something!!!" said Liam "There is nothing else we can do. It's too late." "Angela wake up dear. Wake up!! Don't leave me. Take me with you." Liam couldn't do anything but cry. He regretted how stupid he was for letting Angela go to the park by herself. On the day of the funeral, after everyone was gone, Liam stayed. He cried, he hugged Angela's tomb. His clothes covered with dirt. His face looked pale. His skin was very dry. And his body was skinnier than before. He hadn't eat since the day of the accident. It was a sunny day after winter in Connecticut. Everybody went out from their house to enjoy the beautiful day. And so did Angela. She was frustrated because of all her school assignments. She called Liam to ask him if he wanted to go to a park. Liam said he couldn't because he was so tired and wanted to stay at home all the long. Knowing that, Angela went by herself to the park. She walked on the sidewalk. She said hello to everyone she met. She smiled, she sang, and she was happy. The park is in front of her. She was about to cross the street when suddenly a car that went so fast stop right on her left side but it did not hit her. She was shocked then she fainted. One of the people in the park who saw that called 911. The car's driver came out from the car. He tried to wake her up but he couldn't. Polices, fire brigades and ambulances came. Polices investigated the driver. Fire brigades looked at the car in case if there was fire that would burn the car. While the doctor and nurses took care of Angela. They put her on a bed then put it into the ambulance and they took her to Milford Hospital because it's the nearest one. As soon as they arrived there, they brought her to emergency unit. They connected kymograph to her body so that they would know how was her heart beat. While the other nurse tried to find her contact number and she found it. She called Angela's home and her mother was the one who answer that. Instead of telling Angela's mom that she is in the hospital, the nurse told her mom to come because Doctor Klein wants to speak with Angela's parents. After they received that call, her parents went straight to the hospital. Her dad was using khaki and t-shirt and her mom used a beautiful pink dress-Angels' favorite color. They went to information desk and asked if Doctor Klein was there, they said yes, and they told them where to go. It was a cold bright room with white curtain on windows, black big chair, and a marble sink. There was a couple of shelves on the side of the doctor's table which contain binders and files. There were also some human's body pictures hanging on the wall. While they were sitting on the chair, the door was opened. A tall white man with read suit covered with white medical coat came into the room and shake their hands. He sat and began to talk with them eyes to eyes slowly but sure. Her parents were shocked knowing what happened with their only daughter. Her mom cried. Her dad forced Doctor Klein to bring them to see their daughter. They walked into the emergency unit room together and they found Angela was laying on the bed unconscious. Her face looked pale. Her body was cold. She wasn't die yet because the kymograph still showing how her heart was beating. They sat on her side. Her dad called Liam. In just minutes Liam arrived in the emergency unit room. He stayed strong. He wasn't even cry. He entered the room and met Angela's parents. Her dad move to the right side of the bed while Liam sat on the left side. He held her hand. He made a sign of cross and began to pray. He talked to God, he asked God if He could bring Angela back to her life not to heaven. Silence covered the entire room. The 4 of them were so quiet until Doctor Klein came back into the room with a sad face. He said,"There is something that you guys should know." everyone were looking at Doctor Klein."Angela has a problem with her heart. Her heart beats look like it's normal. But there is a bulge in it. It causes her to get tired easily and causes her to feel pain on her left chest." Liam cut him."Wait. I think she ever told me that she felt a major pain on her left chest that she couldn't even breathe. Is that also the cause?" Her mom asked, "Really? She never mentioned it to us." "Maybe she thought it was nothing. But I did told her to go to the doctor. And also when she was like thinking too much she felt the pain getting worst. There was one time when I was walking with her, she was really frustrated and suddenly she stopped, she put her hand on her chest and started to moan. But later, she walked as usual." Replied Liam while holding her hand tighter. "I am so sorry but it seems like this bulge appeared years ago." "Can you do anything about it?" Asked dad "Apparently not. That accident made her heart beating faster than usual. As you can see on the kymograph. It beats every second without a gap." "Doesn't is suppose to be that way?" asked Liam "No. There has to be a tiny gap between those beats and do you see the graph? That is unsual." Doctor Klein exhaling. "I need you guys to stay positive and keep praying okay. If there is something going on, push that red button and I will come here." "Okay. Thank you." Replied her dad There came silence again. Liam and her parents were still holding her hands. They did not know that Angela was actually there with them. Angela hugged her mom and her dad then she flew to Liam. She stroked his hair. She kissed his cheek. And she laid on his shoulder. She whispered to Liam's ear, "Liam, I know I'm going to die because I can't get into my body anymore. God is outside and waiting for me to come out. I want you to know that no matter where I am now, I will always be with you. I may not be able to hug you ever again, but I will always love you. I will always protect you from up there. I will be in a place where I will find true happiness and there will be no tears. You don't have to cry because I'm gonna be happy in there. Thank you for everything. You are my first and last love. I would love to marry you but I can't. I have made something for you. I put in under my bed. You can take it later after my funeral. There I wrote about how we met, how you became my man, and how you affected my life. This far, I never love someone as much as I do to you. I am so grateful that God brought you into my life. He united us for a reason. And He now separates us for another good reason too. I don't know what that is. Now I have to go. I hope you will never forget me, Because I can never forget you. Behind my death, there's gotta be something good about it. Something that you will realize years after today. Something that God wanted you to do and my dream that hasn't been fulfilled. And I want you to make it come true for me. How? You will find it in the box underneath my bed." She kissed him. "I love you Liam. I truly am. I will never stop thinking about you. And if you miss me, pick a star, name it after me, and talk to me. I will answer you through your dreams or through people around you. I have no heart cause I gave it to you. And from now on, you will never be alone, I'm always there with you because I am in you. Good bye my dearest Liam. Cheer up!" Liam felt like there was wind blowing to his neck. Angela's fingers were moving. Liam noticed it. He shouted and pushed the red button so many times. Doctor Klein and a nurse came into the room. Liam told him that her fingers were moving. Angela's mouth opened slowly. There was a huge silence with heart beats were racing inside the 3 of them. Doctor Klein told everyone to keep quiet. They kept holding her hand. A weak voice came out from her mouth saying,"I love you mom, dad, thank you for everything." She said that really slowly and in broken. She opened her eyes slowly, she looked straight into Liam's eyes and said,"I love you." "I love you too. Please wake up." "Forever" said Angela for the last time TTIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG. Everything was over. The kymograph showed no heart beat. Doctor used defibrillator paddles to shock her heart and tried to wake her up. But it was no use. Doctor told them to let her go. Liam kissed her lips. He released it and he saw happy tears came out from Angela's eyes. She was smiling and crying at the same time. After funeral, with Liam's suit covered with dirt, he went to Angela's home along with her parents. He helped them to pack her things. He sat on her bed then laid and cuddle Angela's favorite bear that was given by Liam on their first anniversary. He fell asleep. A couple hours later he woke up in shock because he lost the bear. He looked around the bed but he didn't find it. He looked underneath the bed, he found the bear along with a box. He took it and he opened it. On the top of the box there were a love sign with their picture on it and a sentence saying,"no matter where you are, I will always love you Liam." He smiled and wiped his eyes. The box looks like a treasure box. He opened it and found a lot of pictures which of course their pictures. On the bottom of the box he found a letter written by Angela saying that she really wants to volunteer in nursing home and she wants to help the poor. And she added Liam to her list. She wanted Liam to join her in volunteering in nursing home and help the poor. There was also a scrapbook. She drew stars on the cover-she loves stars. The first page she wrote, "My love story" It's a simple title. It was about the first time they met and how hard it was for her to get his attention. She put 1 picture for every page. And those pictures were connected with what she wrote underneath or beside them. Liam read it slowly. He made sure he did not miss a thing. He smiled, he laughed, and he cried because of her sentences and the pictures. The last page, she wrote about how lucky she is to have Liam in her life. She wished that she could marry Liam and have Liam for the rest of her life. She wrote that she had picked one star for them and it's the northern star. Liam cried really hard when he read that part. He cuddle the book along with the bear and walked to the terrace in front of Angela's room. It was dark already. He saw a star that was the brightest among the others. He doesn't know anything about star. So he thought that was their star. He sat down and looked at that star. He said, "Hi Angela. How are you in there? Are you happy now? Look! I found your "secret box" under your bed" teased Liam. "I saw all of our pictures and I read the scrapbook you've made. Is that for me? Oh my, you are so sweet. Why didn't you give it to me like months ago? That book is awesome, you know? But why Angela? Why did you put my ugly face in there? Hahahaha. It's okay for me as long as it maked you happy. But before I continue my speech, hahaha, am I looking at the right star? Well, I think I am because I'm looking at the brightest one and you are the brighest among other girls. Ehehem, let me continue. I miss you my dear. I want to see your smile. Don't they have skype in there so I can video call you? I am so sorry for didn't accompany you to the park that day. If only I came with you, this will never happen and you will be here with me now lookign at our star. But wait a minute, why didn't you also tell me you picked a star? You like to make surprises, don't you babe? 's That's okay because I love surprises but not this one. You can give me any kind of surprises but you can't give me this kind of surprise. Why do you have to go this fast? Why you no stay here longer? Why can't we just be Romeo and Juliette who died together and live happily ever after in heaven? I read your wish lists. You want to volunteer and help the poor right? So nice of you. Since now you can't do that, I will do that for you. I will do everything that you wish you can do, Just appear in my dreams and tell me okay. But when I do what you want to do, please be there with me so I can feel your presence and I won't feel alone. Darling, I know what's inside your head now. You want me to move on, don't you? Hahaha like yeah I'm gonna do that." Silence for a long time " I don't think I can do that Angela. You are the most amazing girl friend I ever had. I didn't even know how my days were this awesome when I was with you. What's that you're saying? I am the best man? ehem thank you. Hahahhaa. I don't think I'm going to find another girl like you Angela. You are special. Not just for me, but for your parents and for strangers too. You have a smile that made a rainy day became a beautiful day. You were and you are surrounded by people who love you. Angela, I will try to make your dreams come true and I will talk to you every day and every night. Can you do me a favor? Please show up in my dreams every day so I can talk to you, hug you, and see you again so I won't feel lonely. And one thing, I will not trying to find a new girl friend before I found one like you. Angela, I love you." He kissed her bear. Angela who was sitting next to him, looked at him and smiled. She was so happy to see Liam smiling than seeing him crying. "I won't leave you Liam." said Angela and at the same time Liam said," I will not forget you Angela."

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Love and distance

It has been a long time since the last time we met.
I remember our last hug.
I still have your last smile kept in my mind.
Your last words still echoing in my ears.
I felt your last kiss on my cheek.
They are so hard to be erased from inside of me.
The more I try, the harder they try not to be erased.
Now that we both in 2 different places, we both began a new life with new activities and new people, we have to be able to move forward without having each other on our side.
I understood how distance an affect my activities.
I knew how does it feel like to live far away from a person I love.
I found out that sooner or later, we both have to move on.
Move on to a new place and to a new heart.
The sun will always shines no matter what we are about to do.
And so do I. I will always smile whenever I'm sad.
I will always laugh when ever I felt lonely.
I will always believe in you that you will never forget me.
I will always love you no matter you're with someone else. Because you were mine and you always be mine.
Distance made me have to move on even if I don't want to.
Beside moving on, I also have to let go.
Moving on and letting go are 2 different things but they are related to each other. I can't just moving on but not letting go. Therefore I would stuck in the past.
Letting go of something you hate is easy but not for something you love, especially it's a person who used to make a rainbow in your rainy day.
A strong love can be broken by distance.
But a true love is unbreakable no matter how far their distance is.

Monday, March 19, 2012

College seems so hard

Remember how things used to be so much fun in high school? We still able to ask friends about any subjects we don't understand, we did homework together, even did exams together. Hahaha
That's what I called "togetherness"
As the time goes by, we graduated from high school and began to go to university or college. 
We used to dream to go to this part faster and we also thought it would be so much fun. But it is really not that fun.
The fun things about college are we don't have to use uniform, our studying times are flexible, and we felt like a young adult. Isn't that right colleagues? 
I'm on of a college student as well. I just started this year. In the first week, it was so fun. But at the end of the second week and at the beginning of the third week, I felt bored. There is no other reason than having friends. I have a couple of friends. But their classes are not the same as mine. And also our language makes us hard to communicate. 
I thought it won't be that hard for me to catch up with the curriculum in here. I was wrong. Well not really though. I can catch up, but I'm struggling with some of the assignments. When I didn't know how to do the assignments, I don't know who should I ask to. Or like math, when I forgot about the formula, I would just stare at those questions with tears rolling down from my eyes. 
This college life in here is so different especially when I'm here alone without my friends who always there when I didn't understand a thing.

Do not ever underestimate something before you go through it. Cause if you do, you will be regretful. 
College is fun. But going it through by yourself is no fun. Plus, their methods of studying an the way they solve problems are way so much different than what my teachers taught me.
I'm struggling !!!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

when the best part of me was always you

Try listen to The Script's song called "Breakeven" and feel how jleb that is. How that song can punch you chest by its words and sentences.

Yep. What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you? Should I jump from the 4th floor? Or should I back roll?
I don't know what am I suppose to do. Because the only thing in my mind right now is only you.
You were mine and you'll always be mine even though you're someone else's.
Don't ask why because you knew what the answers are.
I might be able to move on, but I'm not sure if I can it it go.
"I'm falling to pieces"
Yes I am. I am falling to pieces as if I was a glass that fell down from the table and I am now just pieces that cannot be something useful anymore.
Sooner or later, we both have to move. Move forward. To a new life. A new beginning. And a new partner. Yeah. That was what I'm going to do. But I hesitate on doing that. I'm so afraid if I fall for someone else, will I love them like I loved you? Or I'll only love them so I can get rid of you?
I asked myself and I found no answer.
6 months I have tried my best. But still I can't get rid of it. They are too sweet to be forgotten. Not like me. I always being forgotten and being ignored by all around me.
A thing that's worst than being hurt is being ignored.
That's like the worst feeling I can ever feel. I ignored some people because of clear reasons. But you? I can never do that to you. If I ignore you, you'll ignore me, and the other way around. It called karma.

What am I suppose to do now so I'm not just moved on but also let it go.
Would you help me?

Friday, March 16, 2012

Recalling high school moments

High school oh high school. You are the best part of my life.
I started to grow up in there, I found many new friends in there, I learned a lot of new things in there.
I still remember thr first orientation day when all the girls have to braid their hair according with the date, and it was Juli 20 something. I remembered the way our seniors yelled at us, created fun games, and gave us a shocking moment before when end the orientation. They called one of my friend to stand up in front of the crowd. The seniors yelled at her saying that she had done a lot of bad things. BUT! After they finished, one of our senior brought out a birthday cake and we realized that it was her birthday and it was a prank. Hahahaha
When I was a junior, suddenly there was a sophomore who suddenly asked my phone number. I gave it to him and my girl friends tease me because of that. And since that day, I felt threaten and I never replied his text ever again. But we're still a good friend until today.
I remember my first time dating a boy. He was a sophomore but his age is older than me *you know what I mean* *peace* It was terrible but fun.
There was also my senior who also suddenly asked my number but I didn't give to him because I didn't know him very well.
My school has an extracurricular called Giri Suta. And on 4th of July or something, when we had an event to celebrate our school's new building, they performed. They went down from the fourth floor to the first floor with rope and we were fascinated. After the event was over, I tried it for a lot of times. It was a little bit scared, but trust me, after you tried it, you are unable to stop.
There was also a moment when I laughed really hard with my seatmate because of my teacher's face.
When we were seniors and we have like the last day of studying before we faced the national final examination, and we decided to go to school with the wrong color of uniform. one third of the seniors were using white and blue instead of white and grey. It was so awesome that most of us agree on using that. Hhaha
And finally, the most tense moment was that national final examination. But yeah, we did great. 100% of my school passed with good score.
Last but not least, my senior prom. It was THE MOST BEST AWESOME day ever. I went there with my junior. He was the one who asked me out. And after that day, we dated.
The best one yet was when my juniors, my best friends, asked me to have photo shoots for a couple of time. It made me love my pictures taken. Lol.
Yeaaah, that was my high school moments. What are yours??

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Unable to forget my past

As the time goes by, everything changed and so do u.
And as the seasons changed, my heart will heal.
But the bruise u have made will never be disappear.
And it will still hurting when I remember those days with you.
How can I forget the day when u gave me a kiss and a hug for the last time.
How can I forget the day u held my hand and smile for me.
I can still feel your hand and the smell of your perfume.
I can still feel the warmth of your last hug.
Your last word that u said was meaningful

By: me and Reno

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Bye grandpa :")

Friday, March 9, 2012, USA time. I was going through the whole day in sadness because my dad canceled our trip to New Jersey. But then in the afternoon he asked me if I want to accompany him to PrimeHouse Restaurant. I said yes. We went there and after that we went to chinatown downtown to have some early dinner at noodle house. It cheered me up a little bit. After we ate, we went to clothing store. Dad waited for me while I was shopping. Then we went home.
On the way home, he asked me about my homework and when will I finish it. And I said as soon as we arrived I'll finish it. 
Then yeah, I did my math homework until 3 am and after that dad sat down on my chair, looked at me and said that my grandfather has just passed away. I was really really shock. I wasn't cry at that time until he called my mom and I heard her crying. I couldn't say anything. I tried to calm my self down and to just accept the truth.

My grandpa has been in the hospital about 1 week. He coughed too hard that his chest hurt him. He got scanned twice and we found out that his heart was swelled. And that was why he couldn't breathe. On Friday at 1 a.m. Bali time, he gone. He went to the next chapter after life. Heaven. We all cried especially my mom. She regretted for not giving him any attention when he was alive. The only thing I could say was,"I told you."
My grandpa is a great man. He worked really hard by himself. He never complain. He never said that he wasn't fine. He always smiling. And he always love his children and grandchildren.
When I was in Bali, I went to his house sometimes every week. And when I got there, he spoiled me too much. I wasn't allowed to bring any heavy things. As soon as I step on his small shack, he offered me drink and food and stuffs. He gave me so many advice before I went to NY.
He cared about me more than my mom sometimes. And I love my grandpa so much.
I don't know how to express my feeling losing him. I couldn't even see him in his last breath.
Monday, March, 20, 2012 was the last time I hug him, have a conversation with him, and seeing him. That was 2 days before my departure back to NYC. It was a teary moment.
But when I knew he passed away, I was broken heart. I lost someone who cared about me. I lost someone who I really love. I lost someone who always gives me medicine when I was sick. I lost a great man. He is not a city grandpa. He lived in a village in Bali. But no matter where he lives, he is my grandfather. 
I still remember how he offered me a drink, made me fried tofu. I remember our special way of cheek-to-cheek kiss which only him and I were allowed to do it. I miss everything about him.
However, I can't be drown into sadness for my entire life. I have to let it be, let it go, and move on. He told my mom to tell me to study hard and make him and my parents proud. Ouch! It made me cry again. He told me a specific way to be settled in NYC, which is I have to focus on what my goal is.
There he went to heaven. Meet my grandparents from my dad, meet my aunt, and meet his parents also. I am happy that now he's in a safe place where he can see me or even visit me, It may sounds creepy, but hey it's my grandpa, it's not like he's going to scare me off.
We are now have a guardian angel.

To Grandpa,
Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for always worrying about my health. Thank you for your advices before I went to NYC. Thank you for every small thing you have done to me which I don't realize.
Now you are safe in heaven with God. I will be very happy if you are happy in there.
I am so sorry for everything I have done to you. I am so sorry I can't see you when they were putting you in the cemetery. And I am sorry if I couldn't give you more than I can when you're still alive.
Grandpa, we love you. Not just me, but us all of your children, grandchildren, your son and daughter in law, and other people too.
Travel safe to heaven granpda. We will meet again soon in there.
We love you :*

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

First day in college

March 5, 2012 is officially my first day in college after 6 months of holiday. Woohooo!
At first I was not really that excited. But as the time flowing, I kinda like it.
I go to Laguardia Community College located in Long Island City New York.
It's a pretty good school. Pretty good I meant the facilities. It has a perfect wifi connection, it has gym and swimming pool for students to use, we can print as much as we want in the library, it has copy machines, in front of the campus there 7eleven and a pizza shop and there are some people who sell food in carts, it has book store, in every building (4 buldings) there are computers which can be used by students. It's kinda above average school.
My first class of the day was math and I taught by a professor. She is a lady. And she is so nice.
And my other class also being taught by ladies and all of them are so nice.
I kinda like this school. Especially the studying thing. My friends told me that going to college is suck because they gave us a lot of homework. I got homework too. Since the first day, I already got 5 homework and I have done 4 of them. It kinda drained my energy, but it is  lot of fun though.
Being stuck in school from morning until evening might be a problem for some kids, but I don't think it happens to me, I like to be in school actually with friends or just alone. Cause I'm a little bit an independent person. So, I don't care if I go anywhere by myself.
Speaking of friends, trust me, finding a new friends in a new school in also a new city is hard. Recently I hang out with my only friend. He's from Egypt. He's nice though and he also found it hard to find friends But I also got another girl friends. We are in the same class. And we got along.
I hope I won't regret going to school and I really really hope I can continue my study in here. Hahaha
And for those my friends, COME HERE!!!!!
Study hard. Enjoy what you learn. Love where you study. Because not everyone get the sam chance as you do, which is going to the university.

I don't want to lose you again

Losing means disappearing means we can't see it again, we can't touch it, we can't feel it, we can't own it. When you lost something, you would look for it every where, to ever corner of the room until you found it. But can do it in love? When you lost someone you love, can you look for them, found them, and own them again? No, you can't. Well sometimes you can, but most of the time you can't. For some reason, love always gets away and never come back. Even if it comes back, it's just for say hello to you and then left.
Losing someone you love is like losing 1 ton of gold. Heart breaking and super sad. 
They are so priceless that you would do anything to keep them just for you and for ever.

You lost something. You looked for it. You found it. Then you lost it again and never found it. How much pain do you think that is? It's like falling from empire state building and landing on a matt full of needles. Painful!
You can lost a person who lives near you. But it is more possible if you lost a person who lives sooo fcking far away from you, isn't it?
I've been there. I lost someone I love because we were so far away. Then, I came back with a certain purpose, and seeing him is one of the reason, because I miss him so much. When I came back, we got along and I felt like I owned him again. As I went back to my real life, he supported me every single day. And yeah, it made me feel like the time when we were still together. Sadness filled my first week when I got to my real life. I miss him so much and also my mom and friends too. I video called him. I saw his face, heard his voice, touched his cheek on my laptop screen, and felt his presence. But that is never enough.
Oh God, what am I talking?? By the way, yeah I am so afraid if I'm going to lose him again. At least not now. Not in the same way. 
But what can I do when it happens? Let go. Yep! That's what my friend told me. You have to be strong. Because of your distance, you might lose him. That's why you have to let it go and move on. 
Like The Script said, "How can I move on when I still in love with you?"
Yes. How can I move on then? How? Tell me how? I don't even want to lose you, how can I forget you, leave you, and forget you?
I have done everything. I sacrifice everything. But still, I can't have it last forever.
Damn! It is so hard for me to write this one. I felt blue when I type this. That moment when I stared my computer laptop and saw your picture on it, made my tears came out.
You, me, and everyone has to be ready to face that losing-someone-or-something-moment. We have to be able to let it go and move on. But, if you can keep it. KEEP IT! Because once you got a diamond in your hands, no matter how old it is, it is priceless.

Friday, March 2, 2012


Independent is the situation when you can do pretty much everything by yourself without having anyone helping you.
Bring independent is not an arrogant thing to do. Some people can't distinguish independent and arrogant.
People became independent because they didn't want to bother other with their probs, or because they live alone.
We can see people who live alone abroad, away from their family and friend, did everything alone, became an independent person.
If you some independent people why they like the way they are, they would answer,"why bother other when you still able to do it yourself?"
I am strongly agree with that. If we kept counting on others, when will we be able to do it alone?
If you asked too much help to others, they would think that u don't have the ability to live this live.
Beside, we will not get help every day as long as we live. We also will die alone. It's better for you to do things alone while you can.
Some independent people don't like being accompanied by strangers, especially people they just met. They can only felt comfortable with people they have known for quiet a long tome.
Independent is always the best.
You can do anything you want without having people complaining, you can go everywhere, you absolutely can explore this world by yourself.
Being independent and being single are 3 different things. But the both sometimes in the same situation. Youself.

The time when you feel most alone

Silence. Quiet. Nothing. Alone.
Suddenly you feel like you lost in this world without anyone looking for you.
You could see them near you, but you couldn't feel their present.
They are close but they look like far far away from you.
You felt like there wass something stuck in your chest. You tried to let them out, but you can't.
You were trying to find someone to talk with, but you couldn't find any.
You tried to let them out by tweeting every second, but it didn't help anything at all.
It only made your feeling worst and you felt much more lonely.
In just a second, memories got into your head, You didn't recall them, but they cam einto your mind wanted to be memorized. 
Tears. You promised that you won't cry but when you felt most lonely, you couldn't hold it. It kept going out from your eyes, no matter how hard you tried.
These feelings, lonely and missing someone, is a machine that kills you slowly but sure.
The time when I felt most alone was when I wanted to talk to my mom or dad or one of my friends, but I couldn't do it.
When I felt lonely, it was like I'm wearing baby's clothes with extra small size. Too tight.
These feeling, this situation, this condition, make me hard to keep going forward. Sometimes it makes me stuck and not willing to see another day.