Sunday, February 26, 2012

I just need attention

It's absurd. People thought that I got a lot of attention from my parents and from my best friends.
Well, I was, but not for now. I felt a little bit lonely these days.
I'm away from my mom. I'm away from my best friends. And I have to stay up late if I want to have a long conversation with them.
That moment when I felt really alone was when I walked down the street in the afternoon by myself and I have no one to talk to. 
I waited in subway station for train to come as if I was waiting for someone to have some conversation with me so that I won't feel alone. As the train came, I still stood up by myself. I walked into the train, sat on the side of the window, put my earphone on, played a song on my iPod, and began to cry.
A lady who sat next to me, looked at me deeply, while her son trying to sat between us.
Both of us got off on the 2nd station. I went upstairs to the upper ground train (7 train). I waited again.
It was a windy day. The wind was so hard which made the weather a lot colder. Just like what I feel about people around me. Cold.
The train came. I went into it and stood up near the door. The view was so awesome. I can see river, Mets stadium, and a junk yard. But those things couldn't stop my tears from falling.  I looked down so that people couldn't see my blurry eyes. I took a tissue and wiped my cheek. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. 
The train finally reached the last stop in Flushing. I walked out the subway station. I walked along Flushing main street. The wind blew me away. It messed up my hair. It almost made me fall to the ground. I was not strong enough to stand still.
I kept walking. I saw parents walking with their children, boys held their girls' hand, hugging couples, best friends talking and teasing each other. It was so nice seeing people happy. But when will I be one of them who have smile on my face everyday?
Time difference is so suck. I can't contact my friends when I'm awake. Because they are all asleep. So, I have to stay up late. I can do that now, but I don't if I can do it later.
The last 2 days I have some web-cam calling with my friends. One of them told me that I'm easily get sad because when I remembered something, I remembered it way too deeply which made me went back to the past and easily cried. Well, that's me. I can't just think something in a flash. I have to think about it deeply.
Both of them told me not to stay up late everyday because it only makes me sick. One of them said you can feel "down", but you can't be sick. Because people who love you, will be sad knowing that you are sick. That is so true. But what can I do? I have to contact them. If they can't stay up late, I will stay up late for them.
Boys like Girls said,"get up and go, take a chance and be strong.."
I got up and go, but I kept falling. I tried to be strong but I need people to support me so that my strength will increase.

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