Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Will we ever meet again?

Live far away from people you love is never been an easy task to do. Especially when we are talking about we love the most. It is so hard to live far away from them. These days teenagers call it 'long distance relationship' or LDR.
In my opinion, log distance relationship doesn't always mean boyfriend-girlfriend thing. It can also mean friendship thing, a deep and strong friendship with a person.
You must have some reason why you have to go far from you are from.
It is a real challenge facing your daily life in a new place without meeting the person you love. You have to buy plane tickets, sit in the plane for hours, then you can meet them. It is basically a sacrifice of a lifetime for the love one. I know it is hard, but what else can you do?
For a couple of days you're getting homesick or boyfriend-girlfriend sick.
You might talk to them by phone, text them, or seeing them via web cam calling. But do you ever think when you'll see them again? Or will you ever meet them.
Okay, it's kinda complicated.
I meant, let's say you left a person you love but you have no relationship with them but you see them everyday and talk with them every time. You will started to think about when are you going to go back, will he/she still love you when you guys meet each other for the first time after years, or will you just ever meet them again?
That's a tough question, even for me. Because I'm experiencing the same thing.
I talked to one of my friend and she told me that if you believe that you're gonna meet him again, you WILL Meet him again, you don't know when, you don't know where, and you don't know how. Maybe he will come to your place for continuing his study, or maybe you'll get some money to go back to your country, or even the romantic one he'll go to your place without you knowing it and suddenly appear in front of your house, bring flowers and said,"I love you. Will you marry me?"
(seriously I just made that up)
But what my friend said was completely true. And I also said that if nature wants us to be together, no matter where we are, no matter how beautiful other girls or handsome other guys might be, we will meet each other and we will sing "you and me together forever"
You don't know what nature wants. But if you believe, everything might be in your side.
You can't predict with whom you'll spend the rest of your life. You can only feel it and make some move to get it. Once you love a person and the fact that that person also loves you, keep it sweet and romantic.
No matter where you are, you always in that person's thought and heart. And if that person truly loves you, he/she would wait or he/she would travel to you place and ask you to marry he/she.

First day orientation

February 29th, 2012 was my first student orientation in college. I go to Laguardia Community College located in Long Island City, New York.
I thought it was going to be a boring thing to attend. But when the orientation began, it was so exciting. There was a dance club called LPAC. They were performing break dance on the beginning and in the middle of the orientation. I was entertained by them. Then we went to smaller groups. We got to know each other and what they are studying at, and where they ate going to be in 5 years.
Well me, I'm gonna be in New York University Medical School. Hopefully I can get into honor program in here so that it would be easier for me to get in NYU.
At the end of the orientation we were sent to the atrium of E building to get to know school's clubs and things.
I found it was really interesting. They have like a stand for honor program, writing tutoring, and the one I like ilwas math club. I'm not a math geek, but if there are any math club, I would really like to join them.
The clubs in the school are actually to help student on their courses. Like math club pr writing class, they are going to help you with math problems or writing problems. It's like a small study group.
Last but not least, they held raffle. They jackpot was iPod.
It was really fun though. And the new students seem nice and friendly. But we won't know until we got to know them.

Monday, February 27, 2012

I wish I could

Stay by your side
Be with you all the time
Be in the same city with you
See you smile at me
hug you every time we met
give you a kiss good night before you go to bed
say how much I love you
express how much I miss you
tell you how I don't want to lose you
wipe tears on your cheek
make you mine for now and forever
be with you in happy or sad
get through all the pain together
walk down the street holding your hand
kiss you cheek
wear your jacket
tickle you
talk to you every minute
kiss you through skype
be more brave to express what I feel
be there when you're sad
have a romantic candle-lit dinner with you
go to the beach together
watch movies in a cinema
travel to Paris
make you come back
convince you not to leave me
ask you to stay
spend my day with you as if I'm gonna die the next day
be the only one who stays in your heart
be your mother's favorite
give you more attention
bring you to where I am now
go back to the time when it still "us"
tell you how strong this love is
be more romantic than I am now
do something so that you'd come back to me
make you smile every second
have told you how much you meant for me
say sorry for being that perfect girl for you
tell you how hard it is to say good bye so that you didn't say good bye to me
forget that you ever said good bye
remind you that I'm waiting for you
tell you how much I miss the time when we went to the beach
tell you that I gave my whole life for you
be your favorite girl
be yours again

It's true that we only have 1 chance in a life time. I got it, but I didn't use it wisely. That's one of the reason I wish I could do these things.
And I wish I could say these things to you. But I'm too afraid to say so. I wrote this, so you could know what's in my  heart and what I feel.
Oh dear, one day I will say it to you. I'm just waiting for the right time to say it.
If I say it now, will you still be the same?

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I just need attention

It's absurd. People thought that I got a lot of attention from my parents and from my best friends.
Well, I was, but not for now. I felt a little bit lonely these days.
I'm away from my mom. I'm away from my best friends. And I have to stay up late if I want to have a long conversation with them.
That moment when I felt really alone was when I walked down the street in the afternoon by myself and I have no one to talk to. 
I waited in subway station for train to come as if I was waiting for someone to have some conversation with me so that I won't feel alone. As the train came, I still stood up by myself. I walked into the train, sat on the side of the window, put my earphone on, played a song on my iPod, and began to cry.
A lady who sat next to me, looked at me deeply, while her son trying to sat between us.
Both of us got off on the 2nd station. I went upstairs to the upper ground train (7 train). I waited again.
It was a windy day. The wind was so hard which made the weather a lot colder. Just like what I feel about people around me. Cold.
The train came. I went into it and stood up near the door. The view was so awesome. I can see river, Mets stadium, and a junk yard. But those things couldn't stop my tears from falling.  I looked down so that people couldn't see my blurry eyes. I took a tissue and wiped my cheek. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. 
The train finally reached the last stop in Flushing. I walked out the subway station. I walked along Flushing main street. The wind blew me away. It messed up my hair. It almost made me fall to the ground. I was not strong enough to stand still.
I kept walking. I saw parents walking with their children, boys held their girls' hand, hugging couples, best friends talking and teasing each other. It was so nice seeing people happy. But when will I be one of them who have smile on my face everyday?
Time difference is so suck. I can't contact my friends when I'm awake. Because they are all asleep. So, I have to stay up late. I can do that now, but I don't if I can do it later.
The last 2 days I have some web-cam calling with my friends. One of them told me that I'm easily get sad because when I remembered something, I remembered it way too deeply which made me went back to the past and easily cried. Well, that's me. I can't just think something in a flash. I have to think about it deeply.
Both of them told me not to stay up late everyday because it only makes me sick. One of them said you can feel "down", but you can't be sick. Because people who love you, will be sad knowing that you are sick. That is so true. But what can I do? I have to contact them. If they can't stay up late, I will stay up late for them.
Boys like Girls said,"get up and go, take a chance and be strong.."
I got up and go, but I kept falling. I tried to be strong but I need people to support me so that my strength will increase.

Friday, February 24, 2012

You're closer to Bali :"(

I don't get it. You guys are really close to Bali, and you guys acted as if Bali is soooooooo far away.
Oh come on! Java to Bali only 2 hours or less.
You can go to Bali when ever you want. The ticket is pretty cheap and you don't have to  waste a day in plane.
You have to be thankful that you still in one country. It's only different city.
While me? I'm thousand miles away from Bali. If I want to visit Bali, I have to get thousands dollar to buy a ticket and I have to be in the plane or more than 24 hours.
That is so suck.
I envy you!!!! You are really really close to Bali :"(

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Back to NY, back to old life.

Yeah. Bak to New York after 1 month stayed in Bali.
That is so heart breaking. I actually won't want to go back for some reason. But what else can I do? School starts and I have to attend it.
I left my mom, my beloved friends, and delicious Indonesian spicy foods T__T
If only Bali is close to New York, it's okay for me to stay in NY.
My flight was almost 24 to 25 hours.
From Bali to Singapore it took like 2,5 - 3 hours. And along the way I cried in the plane.
From Singapore to Frankfurt took almost 13 hours flight. It was okay. The foods are delicious.
I was sitting beside a man who looked like he's afraid of traveling with plane. He was freaking out. He couldn't sit sill. Seeing him like that made me stressed out.
From Frankfurt to New York took 8 hours flight. It was really suck. My stomach cramp, I could do nothing. I slept all the way to NY. A flight attendant gave me medicine and I went back to sleep.
The plane was so quiet until a kid behind me started to cry. OH MY FREAKING LORD!!
He couldn't stop. When he stopped crying, his stupid grandma tease him again and he began to cry louder. Shoot! Me and others looked at them and they acted as if there was nothing going on.
That flight was terrible. As terrible as the fact that I'm leaving Bai and I don't know when I'll be back.
I have to go back to the real life. Where I have to go to college, face some SUCK truth, and be strong for anything that might happen tomorrow.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Your tweets are killing me softly

I clicked twitter icon on my phone. I typed my username and password. I waited. And it suddenly appeared your name, saying something. So, I clicked on your name, I stalked your twitter for a while and I found out what you tweeted for the last, I don't know, a couple of minutes or hours. I read them one by one, slowly but sure, and I felt like they were for me. I was not really sure. But my heart said that it meant for me. But who kniows.
I kept stalking. I read your conversation with people I know, with girls, boys, and even teacher. I read you conversation with a girl and every time that girl send a tweet to you, it contains cute emote, like she is interested in you. Well, I don't know about it for sure, but she kinda look like it.
You do not know how I feel when I read that. I felt like I got punched on my chest, like you punched me with your one hand but it covered with nails facing towards me.
That was so damn hurt. I may look fine, but you do not know what's going on inside my heart.
Why did I feel that way? Because I'm still in love with you. i, personally, did not want you to go. Especially, you left me without a clear reason. I would have stop you for leaving, but it was not me who control you, it was yourself. So, I was just like,"uum okay." while my heart said,"Damn, I wanna die!"
You should have been more sensitive with me. I know you want to move on, but it is not the right way. I never forbid you to move on, because I would tell you to do so, but you have to find ways to make me moving on along with you. Cause, if I keep loving you until the end of time, and you never come back, I would die for nothing, I would die lonely, and my eyes won't shut because I keep waiting for you.
There are a lot of ways to move on, not just by making the other jealous.
Making the other jealous is one way to make them love you and make them want to have you back.
Getting back to you is impossible, because I'm going to be in the other side of the world. We may have phones, but still distance could kill our love. 
Some people said that distance doesn't matter, and so did you. They kept their relationship tight, while us ended before I moved.
You did the right thing though. Because if we're still together, who knows what might happen with us if we don't see each other for a long period of time. 
I miss you so bad. 
Oh dear, please treat me well like you treated me before. We may not be together again, but I still care so much about you. And I hope you do so>

Monday, February 13, 2012

My beloved friends

I have lots of friends. They are my extraordinary friends. They are different gender than me. Some are younger, some are older, and the rest are elderly.
In person, they just like anyone else. But once u new them close, u'll find out how awesome they are.
Those people are the best. I saw them do silly things, which made me laugh. They helped me to move on and to enjoy my new life in a new place.

These people are amazing, because what ever they do, it makes me smile.

These people are unforgettable, because they filled my teenage life with adventure we did together. We visited one restaurant to the other. We tried every food in town. We bought one kind of food then we shared it together.

These people are romantic. Even we are not boyfriend-girlfriend, they always give :* emote at the end of their tweet to me.

This person is artistic. She made me a book with our picture and she also wrote some quotes in it.

These people don't mind if I hug them when we met.

These people are those who always appear in my twitter timeline, give me their shoulder when I cried, give me a hug when they saw me, text me when I'm sad, hang out with me for the whole week when I was in town.

These people, they might not popular, but they can give things that money can't buy. They gave me happiness and adventure.

These people are you, HS friends!!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I don't wanna go back

I posted this before my holiday is over. Exactly 2 weeks before I departed from Bali.
My holiday was only for a month. I need SO MUCH MORE than 1 month.
Time is running. Soon I have to go back to NYC, go to college and live that fcking life.
Actually I didn't want to go back to that place. I hate it so much. If I could do online classes, I would take that even if it costs me more. But sadly, I can't do that. I have to go to THE school and LIVE a NEW life in a new town. I really fcking hate to go back.
Whether I like it or not, I have to face it.
Problems that I face in that NEW town are a lot. I could not handle it without my friends by my side.
Haiiiaaa I hate it I hate it!!
It's so hard for me to choose to live in Indonesia or New York.
I like New York but I love Bali. I have plenty of friends in there. I have lots of cousin in Jakarta who care about me. I have LIFE in there. 
In New York, I only have school. I have families but they are far from my home. I lived with my dad but it feels like I live alone. 
Now I know what "money can't buy happiness" means. I may have everything, I live in New York, I go to school in New York, but one thing I don't have is HAPPINESS and LOVE.
My friends love me more than some my families do.

#not finish yet