Sunday, November 20, 2011

Let me go home :'(

"May be surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone. I just wanna go home. Oh, I miss you, you know ...."
"Another aeroplane, another sunny place, I'm lucky, I know. But I wanna go home ..."
It's Michael Buble's song called "HOME"
This is an old song. But I just heard it like now, and it pictured how I felt now, here in the new place.
Yap, like what he said,"I'm lucky." well, I am lucky to be here. New York maann, who doesn't want to go here or live in here for the rest of their life? I got that chance and I am so glad that I got it.
For about 3 months, I have been trying to adapt with new places in here, but it is not as easy as I thought before I went here. It is really hard than what you guys thought and as what I expected.
For some reasons, I miss my home badly and I really really want to go home. First, to spend more time with my friends. Second, to take my mom along with me here.
There is another reason that makes me dying to go home, which I can't tell you, but some of my friends knew what that is. That reason is the most painful fact. Don't ask why. Because I won't tell.
This 3 months, I found my happiness only when I shopped and bought things that I like even it's not important for me. Beside that, I was completely sad. I cried almost every day, in train, at night, or when I called my mom. I know why I miss her so bad that I really want her to be here with me watching what happened to my life, which turned out from amazing to suck.
I wished she knew what happened in here. Sadly if she does, she might want to kill herself. Hahaha
Trust me my condition is way beyond fine or okay. It is awful. I rather go to my "Father's" house than live in this life any longer. Cause, from the first time I arrived, I wanted to go back home straight away.
I was so glad that my friends and cousins, who knew my condition in here, gave me support every single day. That is why I survived this 3 months without any happiness that came from my family.
And now I'm trying to go home to pick up my mom. But I didn't get permission to go back home. I don't know why, probably he thought that I won't go back to USA. Do you know what I mean? Yaa like that lah kira kira..
It is very hard to be me and hard to live or to watch my condition.
I thought I will love it in here, in fact I don't. I rather go to college in Jakarta or somewhere else but I got that HAPPINESS from my family, than I go to college in USA but I don't even get happiness or enough support from people around me. They may seem like they care, but they don't. They wanted make me happy, but they don't know how. They only think about their own happiness instead of mine.
I don't care. As long as I'm not home, I can always find my happiness by myself.
When I slept over at my cousin's house, I felt the happiness, instead of staying in my own house. Again, don't ask me why.
For this 3 months, I went every where alone. No friends. No families. Just me and my camera.
It's fun to explore NY alone. But, I didn't come here for this. I came here to have some fun with my family before I actually go to college, which will makes me can't spend more quality time with later. But I think, what in my family's mind is only their own happiness. They only think about me when I'm not home. They never even called me when I was away. Not like what my mom used to do. When I was away for more than 5 hours, she would call me every 1 or 2 hours. See the difference??
Well, going home is not that easy. Money may not be the problem, the permission is.
And all I can say is that even though you live in a new place, it doesn't mean you will get the same happiness as the place you were in or your hometown.
This quote is completely true and I agree with it: "There's no place like home."
Where ever you go, you will always miss your hometown where you grew up and have the happiest moment in your life.
Be strong if you're moving to a new place.
Starting something new is not like getting a new things to wear or to use.
Adapting with a new environment and a new situation are difficult.
Trust me, I've been there, done that!
Keep your smile guys!!

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