Thursday, November 10, 2011

God, I give up!

Problems come and go for the past 2 months I'm in New York. And none of them is easy to get through *obviously*.
I tried to hang on it. I tried to smile on every obstacle I faced.
But it doesn't helping at all. The more I pretend to like it, the more I felt suffering.
I am suffering for love in here. Not just love from someone, but love from both of my parents.
I understand that they are busy. But it doesn't mean they could ignore me or not giving me that much attention as they were before.
My position is the hardest one I have ever been to in my 18 years of life. Hard because I live without my mom, who always spoiled me. She's still in Bali and now we're trying to get her here to live with me and my dad. 
The process for this is also the hard part. Why? Because it took a long time to proceed. And if it succeed, probably this November or December 2011 she'll be here.
For 2 months I've been waiting for her, for everything to be succeed. But until now, there is still nothing. I hope soon, there will be something going on which can lead her to come here.
I prayed. I asked to God everyday. Not that I don't believe in God's miracle, but I kinda sad that sometimes God gave me a really hard test.
I asked Him to give me strength and patient. He gave me. But it's all run out now.
I couldn't take this anymore. I am giving up God.
I can't do anything else because you're the one decide it, and you're the one who take care of my life.
All I have to do now is surrender myself to you.
But God, I am really giving up on this. 
What should happen to me, it should be as what you want.
But God, please give the best for me. I know you will, I just remind you so that you won't forget about it.

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