Sunday, November 27, 2011

Be Brave to speak up!!

I believe most of you who read this are still young, and so do I.
We are young. We still living under the shadow of our parents. We still need them to pay for our education. We need them to buy us things. We need them when we're falling down.
We need them in every occasion of our life, when were young until we're marriage and have kids and stuffs like that.
But now, we need them, big time!
Because of it, they want us to listen to all what they said and follow what their rules and be what they wanted us to be. Isn't that right?
Like those who go to college. Maybe about 50% of them, went to college and took a certain major because their parents asked them to do that. Their parents wanted the best for them without thinking how they felt. Even they hated it, they still going. They wanted to make their parents happy even though it hurts their feeling. So, they kept what they feel inside their heart and did what their parents asked without saying anything.
Not just about education. Some of us also don't say what we felt and what we want to our parents.
There are so many reason about it. Probably we were scared, or we thought our parents might get mad if we ask something, or we predicted that they will not give us what they want, etc.
For example, when you and your family went for a picnic and one of your parents invited a person who always pissed you off, then your parents asked you to be nice to them. It means you have to pretend, right? Which leads you to make sins all day long you spent with them. You wanted to talk to your parents that you hate that person, but you were scared. You predicted that your parents might be mad to you, not to that person.
 
Most of us, teenagers, can sometimes afraid of what will happen if we say something. Well, everything have risks. If you do the right thing, you'll get good result. If you do the bad thing, therefore you will the risk(s).
By saying the truth, expressing what you feel, and telling them what you hate, can help your parents understand you a lot more.
And yes, you were afraid when you're going to say what you really feel. But if you didn't do that, you will feel the pain in your chest.
My suggestion: when ever you want to say the truth to your parents, but your heart started racing and you felt scared, just give a challenge to yourself. Tell yourself that if you didn't do this you will regret.
Believe it or not, it worked for me. I tried that several times, and I was brave to speak up.
We may be young and still live under their roof. But we have right to speak up and to deny what they want.
Be brave to all teenagers and to those who still afraid to speak up and to stand up.
If you don't do it, you won't know when the second chance is gonna be.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Struggling

The sky is blue.
It is a sunny wonderful day to face this world
Then, heavy cloud appear changed that beautiful blue sky
What happened? Is it gonna rain or is storm coming?
Weather channel can't predict it and so do I
I can only watch the sky as it turns from blue to grey
And it's getting darker every minute
In just seconds, water falling from the sky
Not too hard at first
But the next couple of minutes, it became heavy rain with wind

I, who was standing on the side walk with umbrella in hand, suddenly cried
Watching water fell from the sky, remind me of my childhood, which was the happiest moment in my life
As the wind kept blowing the falling leaves, I could feel my hometown's wind
The smell of wet soil reminded me of the time when I played in the rain without sandals, while both my parents watched me from the house's terrace

As the rain kept falling, I still stuck in my past, and there was nothing I can do except enjoy it

I grew up and turned into a beautiful young lady who now lives in the moat beautiful city in the world
It is a new place for me
New atmosphere, new people, new shopping destination, and new life
Living in this new life, made me feel grateful, yet sad
The same happiness couldn't be found in this new place
The new people are not as friendly as my hometown's

Adapting..
I've been told to try to adapt with this kind of condition
I tried. I stumbled. I fell
I couldn't stand up
I stayed on the ground waiting for someone to help me stand up
I've tried to stand up by myself
But I couldn't
I kept falling and stayed at the same spot
Though I got help, I don't know if I had strength to stand up or not

Problems kept coming when I started enjoying this place.
I tried to solve it
But it never solved
I'm trying to be strong
Strong to face those problems
Strong to live this kind of life
Strong to face the truth
I kept my faith in God
I knew He won't let me walk alone in this harsh world

Though sometimes I failed on facing the world, I always trying to move and make changes with how I think
World is a game and a war
It is how I can survive it when I got no one to hold except God

Friday, November 25, 2011

When you can't go home .....

Can you tell me how does it feel like when you actually want to go home, but none of your parents give permission to you or no one expected you to go home?
That is so something when it happens. Why not? When you miss you home like so much, but you can't go there even though you have the money and you have the free time to go there, how does that feel?
I won' write this if I don't have the experience. And yes, it happens to me, right now!
I'm dying to go home, but I can't. My parents said that it's just a waste of money to spend thousand of dollars for 3 weeks vacation. In my opinion, when you miss your hometown and friends so much, you will do anything for that even it cost a lot. Don't you agree with me?
I looked like a spoil brat. But this condition makes me wanna go home soon.
I can't stand it anymore. Too much "things" going on in here that made me frustrated days by days. About school, friends, to family.
The family part is the worst one yet. How can you be in the most wonderful amazing incredible city in the world without your complete family? How can you enjoy the beauty of the city by yourself? To whom will you share your happiness along 5th avenue? And how can you express how blessed you are to be here, when you felt you were forced to be here? Now, that's a waste of time. Wasting time by doing nothing and being upset every single day in here.
Blog, twitter, bbm, might help. But is that enough?
STRESS. That's what I feel, and most of you if you're in my position will actually feel the same.

Though you live in a beautiful, amazing, incredible, and most wanted city to visit, but if you never had happinessm what is that for? It's NOTHING!
From where you are to your real home, can be so far far faaaarrr away. Distance is the one you can blame on. Because of it, you have to miss it so bad.
Do you know why you miss your hometown so bad? Because you can't find the same friends in the new place.
Home is always the best place to stay, no matter it's not as perfect as the city you live in now.
If you are ready to go, just hit the start button, book a ticket, pay it, and fly to your home.
No matter how far you are or where ever you are, home always opens the door for you. It won't kick you out. Because the true happiness is in your home.

Be strong for those who miss their home so bad. Cause I miss mine too.

Just something from today












These are the Thanksgiving parade.
But I didn't see or watch the parade, because I came late.
I also met one of Disney's "Shake It Up" show.




Well, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
This is my first ever thanks giving. Hope next year is going to be much much much more better :)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Let me go home :'(

"May be surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone. I just wanna go home. Oh, I miss you, you know ...."
"Another aeroplane, another sunny place, I'm lucky, I know. But I wanna go home ..."
It's Michael Buble's song called "HOME"
This is an old song. But I just heard it like now, and it pictured how I felt now, here in the new place.
Yap, like what he said,"I'm lucky." well, I am lucky to be here. New York maann, who doesn't want to go here or live in here for the rest of their life? I got that chance and I am so glad that I got it.
For about 3 months, I have been trying to adapt with new places in here, but it is not as easy as I thought before I went here. It is really hard than what you guys thought and as what I expected.
For some reasons, I miss my home badly and I really really want to go home. First, to spend more time with my friends. Second, to take my mom along with me here.
There is another reason that makes me dying to go home, which I can't tell you, but some of my friends knew what that is. That reason is the most painful fact. Don't ask why. Because I won't tell.
This 3 months, I found my happiness only when I shopped and bought things that I like even it's not important for me. Beside that, I was completely sad. I cried almost every day, in train, at night, or when I called my mom. I know why I miss her so bad that I really want her to be here with me watching what happened to my life, which turned out from amazing to suck.
I wished she knew what happened in here. Sadly if she does, she might want to kill herself. Hahaha
Trust me my condition is way beyond fine or okay. It is awful. I rather go to my "Father's" house than live in this life any longer. Cause, from the first time I arrived, I wanted to go back home straight away.
I was so glad that my friends and cousins, who knew my condition in here, gave me support every single day. That is why I survived this 3 months without any happiness that came from my family.
And now I'm trying to go home to pick up my mom. But I didn't get permission to go back home. I don't know why, probably he thought that I won't go back to USA. Do you know what I mean? Yaa like that lah kira kira..
It is very hard to be me and hard to live or to watch my condition.
I thought I will love it in here, in fact I don't. I rather go to college in Jakarta or somewhere else but I got that HAPPINESS from my family, than I go to college in USA but I don't even get happiness or enough support from people around me. They may seem like they care, but they don't. They wanted make me happy, but they don't know how. They only think about their own happiness instead of mine.
I don't care. As long as I'm not home, I can always find my happiness by myself.
When I slept over at my cousin's house, I felt the happiness, instead of staying in my own house. Again, don't ask me why.
For this 3 months, I went every where alone. No friends. No families. Just me and my camera.
It's fun to explore NY alone. But, I didn't come here for this. I came here to have some fun with my family before I actually go to college, which will makes me can't spend more quality time with later. But I think, what in my family's mind is only their own happiness. They only think about me when I'm not home. They never even called me when I was away. Not like what my mom used to do. When I was away for more than 5 hours, she would call me every 1 or 2 hours. See the difference??
Well, going home is not that easy. Money may not be the problem, the permission is.
And all I can say is that even though you live in a new place, it doesn't mean you will get the same happiness as the place you were in or your hometown.
This quote is completely true and I agree with it: "There's no place like home."
Where ever you go, you will always miss your hometown where you grew up and have the happiest moment in your life.
Be strong if you're moving to a new place.
Starting something new is not like getting a new things to wear or to use.
Adapting with a new environment and a new situation are difficult.
Trust me, I've been there, done that!
Keep your smile guys!!

Ripley's Odditorium

Taken on November 19th, 2011.