A few days before I had a long conversation with my beloved mother who is still in Bali right now.
I told her what's going on in here. How was my college thing coming up. And how I really feel about my new place.
I just moved to New York. An amazing city which each one of you might dream about coming here.
Me, I was one of you. I always thought when will I came to this city. I prayed and I asked to God every single day of my life for this moment. And thank God, after I graduated from HS, my visa came out and I got a chance to go here, to live here, and to pursue my future here.
Amazing! Indeed. I felt so lucky to be here.
Though I felt happy, there are some sadness in here. I regretted to live in this neighborhood. Most of people in here are Indonesian. Not that I hate Indonesia. It's just because they're my neighbor, I have to speak Indonesia with them. It doesn't helping me with my English at all.
The other thing that made me sad is this loneliness. While my dad is working, I stayed at home alone doing nothing. Even if I have to go college-to-college, I still have to go there alone. No friend. No family around. I though I'm going to have so much fun here. In fact, I didn't. I only had some fun when there were parades or other events in 5th avenue *usually*
I told my mom those things. I told her the night before, I talked with my friends and I cried.
When she heard that, she kinda angry with me. She said,"Why should you be sad and you tell your friends about your sadness and about your problems in there? You're not suppose to do that. You should show them that you are happy to be there. Because by telling that, they pray for you and they ill be so glad to hear that you're fine and happy in there. If you told them about your sadness, your problems, and all bad things that happened to you, they won't pray for you. They will feel sorry for you and for your life. And they might wish you to come back to live in Indonesia, which we don't want it to happen. Don't share about your family's bad side. You can share it with your other family members, but not with your friends. Even though you got so many problems right now, just keep smiling and keep telling your friends that you're happy, that you and them got nothing to worry about. If you want to share your problems, just talk to me or to your cousins in Jakarta. If I couldn't help you to solve your problems, your cousins might be. Your friends can also do that, but it's not that good to let them know about it. No matter how hard it is in there, you have to keep the smile in your face and just be happy."
uuuuu, you're right mom!
What she said, opened my mind and my eyes. Maybe sometimes I have to pretend, but why should I?
Pretend means fake. Fake means lie. And if I lie, I won't have any friends.
So, from now on, I will try to enjoy my life in here. I will try to be happy every day and try not to get problems. And in case if I have some, I can share it or ask opinions from my mom or my cousins. But in the end, I might ask from my friends. Hahaha
Thus, what ever happen in your life, that is your own business. If you need some suggestion, talk to your parents first, then your other family member. But when you felt your chest is still hurt, you can share it with your trustful friends. Because I knew that sharing with friends, you felt relieved so much more than to your family.
Pretend doesn't always mean lie. If you have to pretend for your own good it is fine. But if you pretend for something bad, well we can call that as a LIE.