Monday, October 10, 2011

Pain in my chest

If you knew my story, you would understand how I feel right now, and how am I doing right now.
I'm in New York. The city that never sleeps. The city which most people wanted to visit. The city which has lots of good schools and universities. The city which has everything you need. Once you got here, you don't want to go home. You feel like this city could make you feel happy everyday. You can shop, eat, and have fun every day in every where. New York can charm you only with its crowd. New York is everything deehh ...
But why do I want to go home? As I said before, if you knew my story, you would have known.
Shortly, there is something in here that made me want to go home or at least bring my mom here. And if I could, I would bring my friends along with us. hahaha ...
It's just so sad knowing I'm dying to go back to Indonesia. But what can I do? This is what I feel. This pressure put me into this kind of feeling.
I would like to go back tp Indonesia until school starts. That's it. Nothing else.
I felt alone in here. I have been watching parade twice. And I watched both of them alone.
When every body cheering, I only smile. Cause I felt stupid to do it alone.
There is no one in here who can be there with me any time.
If my mom is here, she can accompany me everyday.
I'm trapped in this situation. I don't know what to do.
I want to go back to Indonesia, but in the other side, I have to finish my SAT and TOEFL test, transcripting my score and bla bla bla.
Back when I'm in Bali, I love to go out alone. Now, I had the chance to go everywhere alone. But it doesn't feel the same.
I can't feel the 'fun; part in here. I need a friend or any one, so that I can share this happiness.
Well, I could share it with my friends. But they are in Indonesia. If I share too much, I would look like I'm bragging while I'm not.
It made me feeling smurf   blue.
Once I miss someone, I will miss them for along time until we met.
I miss everyone. I miss my mom, my etoilers, my best friends, my friends, you, and him too.
I don't want to hide my feeling that I miss everyone even that person who don't care about me anymore.
I only hope for the best in everything.

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