Thursday, September 22, 2011

I Love you, Mommy!

When I graduated from elemenary school, I lived with my mom without my dad. Because my dad had to go find money accross the country.
We shopped, we ate, we have fun.I did everything pretty much with her.
I didn't even get a chance to go out with my friends because she protected me very much. She didn't want anything bad thing happen to me.
Sometimes, we had fun. But sometimes, we fought too. We fought about so many things.
A tiny problem turned out to be a bigger problem because of me.
I was just a kid who did everything with anger, not with peace. Those kind of things sometimes could make my mom upset. And when she reached at the top of her emotion, she'd cry. And when she cried, I felt very guilty. Then, I would came to her and apologize for everything.
But, you know teenagers, they apologized, but the next day they will do the same mistake. It happened to me so many times when I was a teenager.
When I lived with my mom, I kinda hated her so much because she was over protecting me. She didn't allow me to go here or there because of silly reasons.
I wished that I live alone or live with my dad without her.

When I was sick, she really took care of me. She took me to the doctor, hospital, and bought me medicines. That's what mom should do, right? But, my mom is differenet.
Other mom might took care of you like a normal mom. But my mom took care of me from morning until the next morning. She didn't get any chanceto go to sleep because she was too worry about me.
One week after, I wasn't sick anymore. It was her who got sick after me.
I also took care of her, but not as intensive as she did to me.
I didn't know what to do. I never took care of someone who is sick. So, I did regular things to a sick person. Like gave her food, water, took her to the toilet, checked her temperature.
I couldn't get her to the doctor because I wasn't have a driving license that day. I called my cousins to take her. But none of them could because they are so busy.
Do you know how I feel that day? I felt like I have no real cousins. I got no one in this world except my parents. I thought that my friends are better than my cousins, I don't why. But I fet that way.

Time flew. I graduated from high school. After that, I have to go to college.
We planned on moving to Untied States. I got the visa already. But my mom's visa has expired. SHe had to wait until she got the new one.
My dad came to Indonesia. We spent about 3 weeks as a complete family.
I was very happy that day.
Then, the time came. It was September 12th 2011. We were in Jakarta. And that day was my departure time to America.
The three of us went to Soekarno-Hatta International Airport.
We made our last time to be the best time before I left.
When it came to leave, we went to the front of waiting room. We said good bye to each other. And then, tears came out. We all cried. My mom told me to be a good girl in here. She told me to be independent and to be able to face anything. She told my dad to take care of me because she knew that it's easy or me to get sick or something.
Then, we went inside. We waved our hands.
It was a very hard time of my life.

After 18 hours in plane, we arrived in New York. I wasn't very excited.
I met my sister, my uncle, and my cousins. We had a great day together.
We were back to the usual life. My dad went to work and I stayed at home. It's a routine.
Everyday I'm alone at home. can only stare at my laptop, bbm with my friends, web-cam with them.
That day, I felt sooo guilty. I wished that I never said that I wanted to live alone, these things won't happen to me.
Now, I really miss my mom so bad. I never miss her so bad like this before.
If she's here with me, I won't feel lonely. I would have someone who I can talk with. I would have someone to go out eith. And I would have a complete family moments in here.
I tried to call her. But when I wanted to tell some story, she hang up on me because she said she was busy. yeah, I cried!
I talked to myself. This is karma. I wished to not live with her, and I got it. And now I regret of what I said before.
I want my mom to be here. I want to take her here. But how? tell me how, God!
Pray. Just pray. Maybe some day, she will got here. And I wish she's here on my 18th birthday.
It's just a wish. If it happens, thank God. But if it's not, maybe the right time isn't now.

As a teenager, we are still struggling on controlling emotion. But if you can control your emotion, you won't end up like this. You would have a nice life with nice people around you and with you family beside you.
Parents sometimes made mistakes. But as a human, we have to be able to forgive them. Because if we made mistakes, they didn't think too much about it unless you made a big one.
They love you so much, especially your mom. She might upset you. She might over protecting you. But it's for your own good. She doesn't want you to get in troubles.
She had done the best she can. Just respect her. Love her. Hold her while you can.
You don't know when God will take her and him to his place. So, make those moments as your quality time together.
Distance separated us, but our hearts still one.
I'm so sorry about everything, mom. I wish you were here with me.
If you just knew, I wrote this 'till my tears came out, which is I mean it.
I was mean to you. But I love you so much mom.
Kiss & hug for you my beloved mother :*

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